Fast Times At Gorilla High

-AC/DC

Fast Times at Gorilla High-

They finally did it (grunt grunt). The Gorillas in our sport have turned our streamer wine into streamer beer that’s as flat and skunky as an unkept koochy. This isn't easy for The Foul Hooked Whitey to write as I myself am mostly all gorilla now. Unfortunately, something has gone seriously wrong with the younger apes in the streamer game. I like to call them the “Millennial Gorillas”. They are responsible for the dumbing down of fly fishing. Millennial Gorillas believe in a one-dimensional fly fishing philosophy that's more boorish than Igor from Revenge of the Nerds. Forget all this get a good drift bullshit. A lot of Millennial Gorilla’s today will only fish larger articulated streamers. You know the argument. The larger the streamer, the larger the trout. There is some truth to this theory as god knows Millennial Gorillas have become the fly fishing super stars on Instagram. With their good looks and pictures of Millennial Gorillas hoisting lifetime trout it’s enough to make any angler envious. To a millennial gorilla, casting a standard Woolly Bugger is like holding an “A cup” in your hands, nothing exciting there. Millennial Gorillas love to regularly have big dick contests based on how long their streamer pattern is (grunt grunt). Yes indeed, the Millennial Gorilla is as predictable and immature as a spoiled frat boy out on a panty raid.

Streamer Personalities are like Rock Bands. Kelly Galloup is AC/DC and all the other thousands of streamer tying YouTube Millennial Gorilla’s out there are more like Poison. Let's face it, there's a lot of fans that really like Poison, but that doesn't mean that Poison is getting nominated to the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame anytime soon. There's only one thing more obnoxious than ANOTHER Millennial Gorilla streamer tying video on YouTube and that’s having to hear "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" one more fucking time. There’s the real deal out there tying and fishing streamers like Blane Chocklett and the not so real deal out there fishing like that dude that got beat down for the magazine cover of him hoisting an obviously spawning brown trout caught in 18” of water all so he could keep up the bullshit charades of being a “brand ambassador”. Turned out that Millennial Gorilla wasn’t even properly licensed to fish in that state. The Millennial Gorillas now days see very little satisfaction in rocking smaller to medium sized streams with a nymph (not that they would want to) or dry fly. Millennial Gorilla’s here in Montana prefer to “hunt” (grunt, grunt) from a drift boat on the “Stone”, “The Jeff”, or “the Hole”, doing nothing but “Chuck’n Meat” to make them feel “legit”. Very similar to there all banana diet, Millennial Gorilla’s fish on a strict diet consisting of nothing but “epic water dude” (grunt grunt).

The reality of modern day streamer fishing is that a lot of Millennial Gorillas think their experts at the art of angling with a streamer yet most of these same Gorillas couldn’t hold Bob Clouser’s jock strap when it comes to bringing fish to the hand. There's more celebrity streamer Gorillas in fly fishing than spandex and hairspray at a Poison concert. Part of that saturation is the explosion of social media and the free exposure that Gorilla's get by simply logging on and tying their latest streamer pattern. Try sitting behind a fly shop counter and listening to a Millennial Gorilla that doesn’t have 3 years in the sport talking to other customers like he’s George Daniel. Trust me when I say Millennial Gorillas are fuller of themselves than Kim Kardashian’s latest G-string Twitter post. Millennial Gorillas need to be knocked down a banana branch or two and The Foul Hooked Whitey is delivering that smack down. Remember when Poison had a couple of big hits back in the day. They were all glammed up like good little hair band bitches. Getting all that MTV airtime with those glitzy guitar hits. Well then, they went and put out the tune “Unskinny Bop” and it was all fucking over. The Millennial Gorillas have finally released their “Unskinny Bop”. With their 6” flies, flat billed hats, skinny jeans and 50K trucks, Millennial Gorillas have become as annoying in our sport as the latest boy band. Millennial Gorillas are like a cross between The Backstreet Boys and Donkey Kong Jr. (grunt grunt).

 The Millennial Gorilla fishing ego didn’t happen overnight. It's taken a generation of Gorilla's in our sport to get this predictable. Whether this is another sad testimony of the millennial generation and their incessant drive to “fake it until they make it”. Most Millennial Gorillas couldn’t set up a decent nymph rig (not that they would want to) even to avoid starvation. Millennial Gorilla's today lack a diversity of talent in the sport that's as obvious as an exceptionally well-done boob job. A lot of Millennial Gorillas don’t even hopper fish. In Montana, if you don’t hopper fish in the month of August that means you’re the type of angler that prefers granny panties over a thong. The Millennial Gorilla lacks the angling intellect of understanding the beauty of bringing a trout to the surface. It’s not that a Millennial Gorilla shouldn’t be able to fish the way they want too, hell “Chuck’n Chickens” is fucking cool, but so is duping a trout to come up top and eat a tiny mayfly. It’s the artistry in the effort of fishing a dry fly that’s the angling motivation not because it will land the biggest trout. Millennial Gorillas prefer to hunt for a “Tron” (grunt grunt) with their oversized streamer. Fishing for anything else, with anything smaller is as foreign to a Millennial Gorilla as a #5 weight rod.

To give the Millennial Gorilla's some credit, they are fantastic streamer tyer’s. Streamer materials can be very expensive and Millennial Gorilla's love to buy them. I am sure that somewhere in Florida right now Enrique Puglisi is sitting in his mansion, cold drink in hand thinking of how much Millennial Gorillas have increased his wealth with all the EP Streamer Brushes they’ve bought. Millennial’s also like to over tie, and over analyze their streamers all while basically tying a knock off of Kelly Galloup’s Sex Dungeon. Let's be real, virtually every modern-day streamer pattern is a derivative of a Galloup pattern (grunt grunt). There are some exceptions out there that's for sure. The guys at Fly Fish Food are super innovative. Greg Senyo and Michael Schmidt recently tied in the Whitey’s shop and needless to say, they are both “Legit Gorillas”. The previously mentioned Blane Chocklett has become the PGA golf pro of the streamer industry with his amazing Streamer patterns and stunning photographic array of caught fish. The acute difference between these fly tying and angling celebrities and the hundreds if not thousands of Millennial Gorillas out there is that all of these streamer celebrities can very likely tie a mean mother fucking Parachute Adams as well. The Foul Hooked Whitey has hosted a lot of fly tying events. Some competition based and some casual. You would be shocked at the number of quality streamer tying Millennial Gorilla's that do not have a clue of how to tie a simple bead head Nymph (not that they would want to) or basic dry fly. Millennial Gorillas are like a 6’ 10” basketball player that’s good at getting some rebounds but can’t shoot or jump. Millennial Gorilla’s look good on YouTube, but in realty a lot of them have very little diverse fly tying Game.

A lot of the Millennial Gorillas out there could take a few lessons from a silverback I know here in Montana regarding streamer size. This man is one of the best bread and butter guide’s and angler I know. He is also someone who is 80% of the time guiding and fishing with a nymph set up. This guide makes his living in the warm months guiding on the often-difficult Yellowstone River. In case you don’t know, the Yellowstone River is like an extremely hot woman that will go out with you, enjoy a nice meal with you, engage in delightful conversation and she may even be attracted to you yet, “she” will rarely fuck you. When you do get to fuck the Yellowstone River it can be amazing. It just doesn’t happen very often. Anyway, this guide I know only breaks out a dry fly when Jesus Christ books a trip with him. This guide fishes a lot of streamers but not the kind of huge patterns the Millennial Gorilla’s fish, but rather basic leech patterns in sizes #8-#12 often times dropped off of a strike indicator. No ego. No large streamer only mentality. Just savvy angling that comes from decades of experience. And let the Foul Hooked Whitey tell you this guide has fucked the Yellowstone River more than most.

The one segment of the Millennial Gorilla population that are more unique and that’s the Gorilla’s that exclusively fish the “swing”. They are the weirdest of all the Millennial Gorillas. There’s a reason our shop sells a “Nobody Cares That You Spey Cast” sticker and that’s because Gorillas that swing think they are the “Jedi Knights of Fly Fishing”. With their 11” 6” trout spey light sabers. Millennial Gorillas feel like they are leading the new frontier of fly casting with a fly line system that’s as complicated and scientific as a women’s mood swings. The beauty of this Gorilla is that they have given up “numbers” for trout and chrome all because of their desire to swing a streamer. Two Handed Gorillas are the most noble of the Millennial Gorillas because they are working at perfecting the art of two handed casting, not trying to impress others with how big their streamer is. These Millennial Gorillas also tend to swing much smaller streamers which takes the big dick contest out of the equation.

The Millennial Gorilla is a reality of modern day fly fishing. YES they have shoved their way into the forefront of the sport and YES they have both the bravado, and Biff Tanner from Back to the Future complex roiling around in their ape brain. There is no doubt that these Millennial Gorillas are the future in streamer fishing it’s just that so many of the Millennial Gorillas are so over the top in their fervor and arrogance with streamer fishing that they make the Cobra Kai Dojo look like a Girl Scout troop. Millennial Gorillas are still an asset to the sport because they fund the $6.00-$8.00 retail streamer market. They also buy all the ugly flat bills in fly shops because to a true Millennial Gorilla there is no such thing as an ugly hat. In addition, Millennial Gorillas have almost single handily financed both the Rod Vault and Rod Box business plans for they are not a true Millennial Gorilla if they don’t have dual rod carriers on top of their vehicle (grunt grunt). So even though Millennial Gorillas are ripe with streamer bravado, pretense and above all a streamer big dick syndrome it could actually be much worse. Fly fishing could be taken over by Tenkara anglers.

• The Foul Hooked Whitey

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