Fly Fishing Dicks That Click

“I like tall girls and I’ll take ‘em small.
I want ‘em all up front I like ‘em all.
I want to see ‘em strut their stuff.
And lose their social grace.
You play your cards right and you’ll deal yourself an Ace.
That’s where you’ll find me standing proud.
Playing with girls.....”
Fly Fishing Dicks that Click..... 
        The rise of fly fishing social media has changed our sport in a way that can never be reversed. Old school fly fishing media back in the day was like 70’s porn. Way too many pubic hairs, horrible scripts and soundtracks all while being produced and distributed on grainy film footage. Present day fly fishing media is a lot like modern day porn. No pubic hairs and every kinky outfit and sexualscenario out there to satisfy even the most sick motherfucker, all while being produced with high definition technology and video that could make even the Foul Hooked Whitey blush. Back in the day, it was the professional fly fisherman, Authors and paid journalist that delivered the fly fishing images, experiences and commentary in the sport. Now days any Fly Fishing Dick That Clicks who owns a computer has a place at the commentary table and it has started to look a lot like watching a fucking episode of the television show Hee Haw.
        There is something about social media that brings out the Fly Fishing Dicks That Click in our sport. You know the “angler” I am talking about. He’s the dude who sits at home and rarely fishes. He’s the angler that lives out his fly fishing experience on the pages of Facebook and Instagram instead of experiencing the real thing out there on the water and the rocks. The Fly Fishing Dick That Clicks are the cuckolds in our sport. They are more interested in watching other anglers get it on than they are getting “out” and getting it on themselves. In other words they are more turned on by watching somebody else fuck their old lady than they are fucking their old lady themselves. Simply put, if you are a fly fisherman that has more clicks in a month than drifts in a month, you are possibly a Fly Fishing Dick That Clicks.
        Fly Fishing Dicks That Click come in many forms. The Foul Hooked Whitey’s least favorite Dick That Clicks is the dick that uses his keyboard just like he uses his tiny pecker to win a “Little Dick Contest”. Dicks That Click utilize an arsenal of tools available today that they could never actually use in real life. One of those tools include shitty online reviews and comments that Dicks That Click use to help them make up for all the times that playground bully beat their asses in the 5th grade. A couple of months ago a Fly Fishing Dick That Clicks came into the shop and asked if we had someone that could custom tie him some San Juan Worms in a specific color. When I showed this Dick That Clicks a similarly colored “Dirt Snake” in our fly bin, this Dick That Clicks was adamant that the tie was different and not up to his San Juan Worm pattern standards (sic). A day or two later this Dick That Clicks comes back into the shop to meet with our custom fly tyer. As soon as he finds out that he can’t get his custom “six” worms tied in the next couple of hours this Dick That Clicks immediately leaves the shop and goes on to give a bad review on Facebook. In the world of retail, this customer is known as a “little bitch”. In the sport of fly fishing this Dick That Clicks is known as a “little bitch” who also makes very bad choices in what type of nymph he fishes. The point is, this annelid oriented Dick That Clicks never said a word to anyone in the shop about how he wasn’t taken care of but as soon as he is out the door this Dick That Clicks gets his rocks off with his keyboard. Unfortunately what this “little bitch” doesn’t get is that most level headed consumers in the fly fishing realm knows the difference between a shop with mostly good reviews and a Dick That Clicks review that comes from a “little bitch” who walks around a fly shop with a chip on his keyboard.
        Fly Fishing Dicks That Click are the sarcastic, passive aggressive voyeurs in the sport of fly fishing. They are the dudes that like to question how big your trout was, where you caught your trout, whether or not it was even you that caught your trout, and the ever popular; “WHY IS YOUR FUCKING TROUT PICTURED OUT OF THE WATER?” Fly Fishing Dicks That Click are similar to that new online phenomenon of people that have lost all aspects of sensibility, rationale and class over a subject as ridiculously casual as fly fishing. A lot of these social media fly fishing pundits have not only made absolute fools out of themselves by posting some of the most ridiculous shit, but they also have turned up the volume and intensity in a sport that is actually suppose to be quiet. There is little doubt that the explosion of fly fishing online has definitely given the ”keyboard anglers” in our sport a voice that really wasn’t there just a few short years ago. In other words everybody, “Cletus” and “Jebedia” are among us in the sport of fly fishing and they weren’t even invited.
        The worst of the Fly Fishing Dicks That Click are the ones that stalk lady anglers at every turn. Fly Fishing Dicks That Click act like the “Peeping Tom’s” of fly fishing. The explosion of lady anglers in the sport over the last decade has produced a lot of “accessible” women that some Dicks That Click watch over and “follow” like Billy Bob Thornton from Bad Santa. You know the scene in the movie I’m talking about. Billy Bob sitting in the park watching the bikini clad chicks playing volleyball all while holding a corn dog in one hand and a beer in the other. Talking about sexually passive aggressive behavior, Fly Fishing Dicks That Click can be as sleezy as Larry Flynt judging a Miss Teen Pageant. I mean the Foul Hooked Whitey is all about giving a “sister” a click, and that’s because she reeks of fishiness and not because she has nice tits and a Colgate smile. 
        There’s nothing wrong with being a performer in the circus known as fly fishing social media. Even the Foul Hooked Whitey gets turned on by the attention that results in posting a nice trout or saltwater species photo. The whole purpose is to share with other anglers in this medium our experiences and successes. The difference is that Fly Fishing Dicks That Click don’t post or comment online to contribute to the fly fishing social media phenomena. They post to detract. They post to question. And they post to sometimes simply just be a dick. So the next time you are ready to hit that button to post a mean spirited comment, shitty review or overtly troll a lady angler, just remember you are not acting like a fly fisherman, you are acting like a Fly Fishing Dick That Clicks.
And the Fly Fishing Chicks That Get Clicks.....
        Calling out Fly Fishing Chicks That Get Clicks ain’t easy.
Take it from a man who was raised by a 1970’s feminist for a Mom, The Foul Hooked Whitey learned at a young age that you treat women like as an equal because they are equal. I have also been married to the same women for over 30 years AND raised two daughters that like their mother are both beautiful and tough as hell. Having said all that, there are a lot of Fly Fishing Chicks That Get Clicks that annoy the fuck out of me. There is a small percentage of lady anglers online today that are more attention seeking than a brook trout hen on a gravel bed in the fall. Don’t get me wrong, the lady anglers in the sport have earned their popularity because of their skill as a fly fisherman. Lady anglers are just as good as any angler walking around with a dick between his legs, but damn it has become a lot like watching an episode of MTV’s Jersey Shores these days. Being young, cute and holding a nice fish on Instagram brings out more Fly Fishing Dicks That Click than a free trial all access membership to Porn Hub.
        Similar to the Fly Fishing Dicks That Click, The Fly Fishing Chicks That Get Clicks have become at times a self promoting tawdry demographic in the monstrosity of fly fishing social media. That’s right, some of these Fly Fishing Chicks That Get Clicks scoop up “likes” as if they are dollar bills left on the edge of their stage. This Fly Fishing Chicks That Get Clicks exhibitionist behavior is not all a girls fault. Hell, a lot of these young ladies are propped up and made online by the Horn Dog Fly Fishing Dicks that Click. I mean let’s be real, there is a reason why a women’s cute little 8” rainbow trout gets a lot of play online and that’s because half the attention given to her post is by Fly Fishing Dicks That Click who act like Lloyd Christmas from Dumb and Dumber living out the “there’s a chance” theory. A lot of Fly Fishing Dicks That Click really think “there’s a chance” with some of these Fly Fishing Chicks That Get Clicks. Yeah sure Lloyd “there’s a chance”, just like Mary Swanson said, “more like one in a million”.
“Show more fin and less skin”. That’s not my line. Some angler came up with this prompt and I bet it was a lady angler. Some of these Fly Fishing Chicks That Get Clicks know how to work a chat room if you know what I mean. I can hear their cat calls as I am writing this piece, “showing a little bosom is a girl’s right, asshole”. It is their right, but understand that their bosom and hot looks is why the Fly Fishing Chick That Gets Clicks 8” rainbow trout is getting a bunch of attention and not because she is paving the way for other lady anglers in the sport through skill and technique. Take it from someone who lives with a woman who is just as good of an angler as I am, there is something innately sexy about my wife getting her game on as an angler. Whether it’s fishing for pike in Canada, or stalking bones on a Bohemian flat, my wife is as legit an angler as I know and that’s not because her cleavage is busting out. There is nothing wrong with being a great angler while also being beautiful, cute and sexy. It’s when a Fly Fishing Chick That Gets Clicks uses that sexy to promote herself to become a brand ambassador and amass Instagram followers that resemble that of a fly fishing porn star.
        A lot of the attention seeking behavior of the Fly Fishing Chicks That Get Clicks is their drive to become a (vomit in mouth) “Brand Ambassador”. The lady angler I am talking about is the one that posts every fucking aspect of their outdoor life online, and then hash tags all vendors that they use at the end of their post to the point of absolute nauseum. Don’t get the Foul Hooked Whitey wrong, if the Fly Fishing Chick That Gets Clicks is legit, meaning she is an active fly fishing guide, fly shop owner/employee or actually works for a fly fishing industry vendor then that is a different story all together. The weekend “warriorettes” that hashtag for attention or maybe a little free “schwag” are becoming as common as shitty boots and waders sold at Cabela’s.
        There is nothing wrong with being online eye candy within the sport of fly fishing. god knows the Fly Fishing Dicks That Click love what you post. But just remember, that’s not how the likes of Joan Wulff, Camille Egdorf and April Vokey found their fame. These lady anglers earned their place as superstars in the sport of fly fishing by being advanced anglers, becoming proficient in fishing for a multitude of fish species, and by putting their fly fishing knowledge and skills ahead of their tits and Colgate smiles.
  • The Foul Hooked Whitey

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  • Foul Hooked Whitey
Comments 7
  • Wesley Peterson
    Wesley Peterson

    You nailed it! “Social Media Anglers”

  • Michael Buesing
    Michael Buesing

    You should watch the documentary “American Meme”. It’s a disturbing view of society and social media and the importance of the “likes”. I almost don’t want to post anymore. Remember the days when you got film developed and showed your buddies your fish and hunting pics? Ahh, those were fun.

  • Paul Kruse
    Paul Kruse

    Thanks for the honesty. It’s great to see one of my fly fishing brethren sticking up for the ladies in the sport. This shit of putting the ladies down that are getting into the sport needs to stop! Now! You want to act the Troglodyte go take up another line of work or hobby and stay the hell off my river. Fair warning… pull that shit in front of me and it will lead to fisticuffs and a guaranteed fly rod broken over your thick skull.

  • Dandy Reiner
    Dandy Reiner

    I love your honesty! You are spot on right about everything. Thanks for sticking up for us ladies that fish to enjoy fishing, not to create some fantasy social media life of pictures of expensive gear, gasping and dying fish, whiskey bottles and mountain ranges I don’t have time to go to. If I have one more dude ask me, “why I don’t post pictures of myself holding a trout or casting a fly rod while wearing a bikini, because it will bring in so much more business?” I’m going to scream. I’d rather be unemployed or working at Taco Johns than be surrounded by those kind of men in my own fly shop. Not to bash women who do enjoy that, but it definitely does not appeal to all of us. Besides, my Colgate smile is always hidden behind my resting bitch face.

  • Todd Hansen
    Todd Hansen

    Well said…. social media has become a curse…….fish and enjoy what you are doing and just get out do it……

  • Zach Bumgarner
    Zach Bumgarner

    Another masterfully woven english language word document.

  • Troy Brooks
    Troy Brooks

    Are you saying I should feel free to tell the whole world that the local Cabelas did not have brassie size wire when I stopped by last night? As only a few of us care and I can buy from Kingfisher anyway…but Casters is cheaper and back to giving free shipping on all orders…but the idea is I kinda wanted to tie some chartreuse and some red copper johns this week to go along with the copper I recently tied.

    I may be a dick that clicks….as I get more enjoyment out of tying than I do fishing. And it also seems that access to large rivers for a bank stomper is getting harder and harder every year. I know in the Bitterroot I have to drive 75 miles to the East Fork to get any kind of freedom…and with that amount of gas, I can tie quite a lot of flies for my website, eBay, Amazon and Etsy.

    Anyway, creative and nice way to let off some steam.

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