Video Killed the Dry Fly Star

Video Killed the Dry Fly Star

Video Killed the Dry Fly Star.....

He’s a dead Angler in the sport of Fly Fishing and he doesn’t even know it.

       Sure, there are still some Dry Fly Anglers out there. Unfortunately they are becoming as rare as someone with morals using the Tinder App. Hell, I’ll admit it, Fly Shops will always sell a shit ton of Purple Haze, Royal Wulff, Hoppers and Stimulators in the Summer. Anglers are obviously still fishing dries. But, as a Fly Shop Retailer on the front-lines, Fly Fishermen and women are certainly doing it less and less, as CLEARLY the next generation of Fly Anglers has chosen the “easy way” out. The “easy way” out includes the explosion of the growing and ever popular streamer and euro nymphing techniques. Our sport is going more and more “sub surface” which The Foul Hooked Whitey loves to call the “watering down” of Fly Fishing. Why is it “watering down”? Because our sport has gone from the art of fooling a trout and bringing them to the surface on a Dry Fly, to using techniques and styles that require the least amount of style, effort and commitment in order to catch a trout. Just like the explosion of the ATV industry has afforded the opportunity for the non outdoorsy type to enjoy the great outdoors, streamer fishing - and particularly euro nymphing - has afforded the modern age fly angler to be a “Fly Slut”. What is a "Fly Slut", you might ask? They are the Anglers in our sport that cherish numbers over quality and challenge, all while fishing some of the the most ridiculous shit ever tyed on a vice. Much like a real life slut (man or woman) will damn-near fuck anybody to get laid, “Fly Sluts” will use any technique or fly to catch a trout.

      Now, don’t get the Foul Hooked Whitey wrong. I understand there are a lot fly anglers out there that want to catch trout in whatever way is most effective, just like I understand there are a lot of basketball players out there who love to score without a defender guarding them. And of course, there are all of those quarterbacks who would prefer throwing touchdown passes without a pass rush or a defensive secondary covering their receiver. The problem is, that isn’t how it works in a sport’s field of play. I hate to break it to all of the “Fly Sluts” out there, but Fly Fishing is a true sport and it’s meant to require skill and be difficult. Granted, Fly Fishing has grown into a casual past time for a lot of Fly Anglers. The casual and all inclusive persona of modern day Fly Fishing has become as warm and fuzzy as passing out participation ribbons instead of blue ones. Just like America has raised a generation of pussies, so has Fly Fishing.

     To be a Dry Fly Fisherman, one has to yearn for those moments. The moments of rise, flash and take. The moments that you will recount in your mind over and over again as your partner talks incessantly about shit that you have absolutely no interest in. Bluntly put, being a dedicated and effective Dry Fly Angler proves you really know how to fuck. Top Water Anglers always start with an “Australian Kiss” in bed, and then finish up with a pelvic thrust as powerful and as explosive as a 60 pound Baby “T”. Anglers that SOLELY (Disclaimer for all my past, current, and future Haters out there) catch Trout by going subsurface don’t have a clue how to fuck. A lot of the sub surface Anglers out there have absolutely no idea how to properly administer an “Australian Kiss”, let alone pound away thereafter like an exploding Baby Tarpon. These Anglers would rather catch Trout 10 feet from where they are standing, high sticking with something as ridiculous as a 10’ #3 weight rod, talking about a long soft cock. Fly Fishing should be about fulfillment based on learning and then executed and demonstrated by days and days on the water. Lob casting weighted Flies 10-15 feet off the end of your Fly Rod is about as fulfilling as trying to please your woman with a dick that’s a third of a pencil length long. Trust the Foul Hooked Whitey on this one, she ain’t never gonna be truly fulfilled.

     A lot of the Fly Anglers that have taken up the sport in the last 5 years wouldn’t know a Midge Cluster from a March Brown. In Montana, there is Dry Fly fishing 12 months out of the year, albeit a majority of those months can be extremely difficult and non productive. That’s why a lot of anglers from Montana who aren’t into bobber or euro nymphing, love to streamer fish. Streamer fishing is active and it’s an effective way to catch Trout. Becoming a proficient Streamer Angler MIGHT be a more respectable way to fish sub surface, only because in a lot of instances the angler provoking the “target” (Trout) to react, chase, and then follow your bug out of its coveted holding water where it ultimately eats your fly. Streamer Anglers are down and dirty fuckers. They're the type of angler that will invite their cheap date into the bathroom of a bar and proceed to fuck her silly in a grimy toilet stall. Though it will likely not be the best orgasm she ever had, she will always remember that “2 minutes” for the rest of her life. Let’s be real about streamer anglers...Kelly Galloup didn’t name it the Zoo Cougar for nothing, if you get what I am saying.

     Though exceptionally effective at catching Trout, Euro nymphing is so fucking goofy with its' specially designed Euro leaders, neon colored Tippets, super weird “coil” indicators, and for shit’s sake, all those ridiculous looking Flies. Euro Nymphs look like they are designed and tyed by Doctor Fucking Seuss for Christ's sake. I mean they look so bizarre with their jig hooks, over sized beads, tapered design, vibrant colors and slick epoxy coating. There are some Fly Tying celebrities out there who are building their reputations selling Fly Tying materials for their Euro Nymph patterns, all while wowing their online fans by tying a fly that looks like something you would order it off of a Baskin Robbins ice cream menu. If Roger Rabbit is fishing in Toon-Town right now, rest assured he’s drifting a Euro Nymph. Just imagine Blane Chocklett or Mike Schultz Tying and promoting Perdigon Flies. That would be like finding out that after all these years that Jennifer Aniston has a dick instead of a pussy. Talk’n 'bout a straight up heart breaker.

     It’s easy to understand why so many Fly Anglers have gone to fishing sub surface a majority of their time on the water. That’s because Euro Nymphing is more productive than a Pimp cruising a Greyhound Bus Terminal for “new recruits”. Brush aside The Foul Hooked Whitey’s arrogance, narrow mindedness, snobby nature and judgmental hypocrisy and even I would have to admit - there is no Dry Fly Angler on the planet that can bring as many Trout to the hand as a proficient Euro Nymph Angler. As you may know, there is actually a legit, International Fly Fishing competition. That’s right, if Bubba and the Bass Masters can do it, then so can overly competitive Fly Anglers. The point is, a lot of the Anglers that compete in and win these Fly Fishing competitions do it by Euro Nymphing. Not because they just want to look cool, since as we all know, there is NO WAY to look cool Euro Nymphing. But because under most circumstances, nothing is more effective at catching Trout and winning these competitions.

     The bottom line is, Fly Fishing styles and techniques have become more diverse than an AOC campaign rally. We're an all inclusive Sport these days and truly, that’s not a bad thing. Whether it’s Euro Nymphing or Streamer fishing, the modern day Angler has no need whatsoever to fish on top with a Dry Fly and learn to appreciate the rise, flash and take. The death of the Dry Fly Angler is as certain as a future Fly Fishing company developing a strike indicator that houses a tiny Fish Finder computer making it even easier to locate and catch Trout. After that, who knows? Maybe a 20’ #1 weight Euro Rod which would eliminate all casting skill, mending, and reading water altogether? Or better yet, just imagine Heat Seeking Nymphs that once they get wet, literally move through the water and launch themselves into a Trout’s mouth. Yes, the future is bright for the Fly Anglers out there that wish to catch Trout by any means necessary. In the end though, these same Anglers will only be remembered as a “Fly Slut” and not a Fly Angler that knows how to fuck like a 60 pound Baby “T”.

-The Foul Hooked Whitey

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